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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Harry Potter 4
I am a review whore! Give up for BlogCritics!
ok, here goes my Goblet of Fire Review, don't feel compelled to read it till you've seen it, because I don't want my opinion affecting your gut reactions.
If there ever was impending doom, there was blog critics like me.
logged by Unknown at 11:54 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2005Ask and Yee shall recieve:Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Review.
logged by Unknown at 3:23 AM
Thursday, July 07, 2005Read me at BC
The movie should be split into two parts (farts might better describe the sections of the film: Producer Brain Fart #1 and Producer Brain Fart #2)...
logged by Unknown at 3:07 AM
Sunday, July 03, 2005lame jokes
I went to a party where the invitation said, "rsvpasap." I replied, "wtfrofl" and was very dissapointed when I showed up and there was no cake for me.
logged by Unknown at 12:56 PM
I was in the bookstore looking at a book on stand up comedy, on the back cover it said, "timing is everthing" so I said, "fuck it" and bought a watch.
logged by Unknown at 12:33 PM
Wednesday, June 29, 2005Just doing some house cleaning. Lyle is now lost in benin. his going away just a few days in the coming.
Deadwood is a sweet show, so friggen awsome! watched all the episodes available, 24 hours worth, this last week and I dont regret one bit, so friggen awsome.
logged by Unknown at 12:23 AM
Tuesday, April 26, 2005New members to my family!
Birthday came a little early this year as these fine gentelmen appeared in my closet April 24th.
The boy with three spots on his back Hollie named "Ratzinger" (very clever I think). I named the other "Rodent Langdon." Just "Langdon" or "Rod" for short. Since both names have ties to it we named the cage "the Vatican."
Ratzingers on the Left, Langdon on the right. The Rats are absolutely awsome plus they have a bit of growing left to do. I bought a crawler ball so they can run around, and as time goes on stuff will be added to their cage.
Feel free to stop by and say hello!
logged by Unknown at 12:09 AM
Saturday, April 23, 2005We are above those who are below.
This is how I believe the Tag and Axe body sprays came into existance. Sort of...
Prologue:
Joel Port: (on the phone) Yeah! Yeah! Is this Channel? I would like to pitch an idea to you retards! Yeah! Yeah! I call it not-subtle advertising.
-pause-
Mysterious phone voice: We are intrigued. At nineteen hundred hours be at our front door, when the fog screen releases you from its bondage follow the scent down lovers hall to our plush lounge so we may speak man to man.
Scene:
Joel enters a room that looks vaguely familiar as a room he saw on tv once... Or maybe it was a dream. He is instructed to sit by a large red plush chair in which sits a small french man and he takes a seat in a glorified polka dot bean bag chair.
Sharlette: You smell like cheeseburgers and Heiny.
Joel: Heiny?
Sharlette: Heiny! Yes. Beer! Ugly smell, reminds me of tractors.
Joel: Yes, well I had a beer before I left home.
Sharlette: Well aren’t we are a quick desert fox. My name is Sharlette and I control what you smell when you smell it and even where you smell it. I make your girlfriend smell magical so you wish to get in her pants. I dance images of popcorn in your head when you walk into a movie theater, I even produce a new car smell every year so that those rancid SUVs sell like hotcakes. My rule is undeniable but there is something missing. Joel, that missing link lies in you.
Joel: No shit! I am a fucking genious.
Sharlette: You are an Ox.
Joel: I was in advertising 101 just the other day when we were talking about sex in advertising.
Sharlette: Yes, yes, I know all about sex, Channel has sex in all their commercials.
Joel: You call that sex? Look, I am about to lay an A-Bomb on your ass so you better be ready for this.
Sharlette: (sharply) You know nothing of my ass.
Joel: Except you live in a world that has no reality ingrained in it. Look at me!
Sharlette: You are putrid.
Joel: I am a common man. I and all my brothers have no use for you or your scents.
Sharlette: I am all too aware of your ignorance.
Joel: You have tried for countless years to get us to buy cologne so we smell good but to little avail.
Sharlette: You have not responded to any of our advertising campaigns.
Joel: Exactly! You snub us with sexy men and women, and whisper your name, and it gets you nowhere because we can’t figure out what the hell is going on! You think you are subtly sexing your market, but all you are doing is rousing confusion in the male. If you want him, me, to respond you need to be more direct.
Sharlette:You slob, sex is direct.
Joel: Not subtle sex. Look at beer advertising. Normal guys, sexy girls, familiar locations, and humor.
Sharlette: I shudder.
Joel: Just replace beer with your product and you have got something. What your commercials really need is that 1-1 correlation, that slap in the face “use this you shitface” jab. It is as simple as saying “this product will make girls have sex with you.” No need to use subtlety on your audience during their football commercial breaks. (gets inspiration) “Just do it.”
Sharlette: You have one hole in your story.
Joel: please please, my story is all about hoes.
Sharlette: Women must not be offended. The prices they pay for our products yield profits Rockefeller could only dream about.
Joel: That’s why you start with a clean slate. A new product. Something not in a prissy glass bottle. Shit, you could but it in a shave gel bottle for all I care, and give it a manly name. Like Razor, or Warhammer.
Sharlette: Yes. Yes. Yes. You have opened my eyes to a new world of profitability.
Joel: So when do I get my check?
Sharlette: Really now. Did you think you will be paid for this? This wasn’t a consultation as much as it was an assault on my nostrils. I should sue you for walking on the gravel by the entrance.
Joel: yeah, well, I feel I should get something.
Sharlette: Monique at the front desk will give you samples of our new fragrances, and a style magazine.
Joel: You're loosing me Shar.
Sharlette: Fine, and you will get a years supply of this new product. Ok?
Joel: Yes. I want the sex.
Sharlette: Leave fast, I need the oxygen bar to cleanse my head of your tinge.
logged by Unknown at 9:58 PM
Saturday, April 16, 2005flavored, naturally.
I was drinking Minute Maid Strawberry Passion drink just now when I noticed something interesting: The label states, "Naturally Flavored Fruit Drink with other Natural Flavors."
Just what am I enjoying in my fruit drink if it contains natural flavors and *gasp* more natural flavors? A little redundant aren't we?
The label is no more help unless you consider glycerol ester of wood rosin natures candy. Except I see something strange... something hidden between all the chemicals... oh my! it appears to read "natural flavors."
In addition to fruit juices it mentions by name I get mystery ingrediants in my drink. At least I know they are natural, right?
Woa, I had a sick-mind moment... Natural flavors... hmm... what could that poss- oh shit.
logged by Unknown at 6:30 PM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005Hollies Birthday
I uploaded pictures from Hollie's Birthday trip to disneyland. We didnt want to come back, but I had finals waiting and they were gonna kick us out of the hotel room either way.
My MouseInfo Gallery holds all the pictures so I cant remote link. There are a bunch of picture of Hollie and I as well as pictures of rides, characters, and general disneylandness.
enjoy.
logged by Unknown at 11:55 AM
Friday, February 25, 2005the littlest man band
so the littlest man band street team is having a contest! If you follow my link ill get a point towards winning a shirt or stickers or something. But if you register for the site it would be best cause that gets me a TON of points.
why else should you register? One registration opens the whole site. You can download a free song (stayed away too long) from the media page, or go to the message boards and say hi. But really i would suggest downloading the song most of all.
the link again.
Ill be very gratefull if you guys help out.
logged by Unknown at 5:05 PM
Monday, February 07, 2005Mardi gras went off without a hitch in my house despite "Mardi Gras Canceled" signs all along the freeway and 400 cops patroling the city.
If this were a superbowl I would have said the guns won. AirSoft being the mvp
some cool masks
no mask, just his actual face.
At least we had brownies
All told we had a lot of fun playing telephone charades and then a few late nighters played apples to apples.
If I learned anything from the mardi gras I would have to say it is that the most religious people celebrate mardi gras hardy, and san luis obispo wants nothing to do with them, or their drunken friends from fresno state.
logged by Unknown at 11:49 PM
